Tuesday, April 6, 2010

How I Became Lady Nightblade

Today, I explain how I chose the name for my evil comic book alter-ego, "Lady Nightblade." Should I ever need an alter-ego, that is. And should I ever decide to be evil, that is. And should I ever find myself trapped in a comic book, that is. It could happen! Seriously, this is a rerun from my old website review column published in The Interdimensional Journal, a publication of Mensa's Science Fiction and Fantasy Special Interest Group. All websites mentioned below are active if you want to check them out, as long as you hold me harmless from any damage you do if you decide to become an evil supervillain as a result.

So you’re ready to join the armies of darkness, and you’re wondering how to go about it. Today’s villain doesn’t have to start from Old Scratch anymore, not with the wealth of information available on the Web. Visit So You’ve Decided to be Evil. This step-by-step guide to evildoing provides a wide range of educational resources for the villain in training, from considering your career options to choosing your name. (Please refer to me as Lady Night Blade from now on.) I’ve been practicing my evil laugh with tips from this website, and I now sound wonderfully deranged. Muahahahaha.

Clearly, Darth Vader, Sauron, and their ilk didn’t get where they are today on their good looks; they must have studied hard. A useful resource for the student of evil is Peter’s Evil Overlord List at www.eviloverlord.com. Peter (an experienced villain, no doubt) describes the 100 things not to do when you’re an evil overlord. He provides an interesting opposing viewpoint to So You’ve Decided to be Evil’s evil laugh section:

Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it’s too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly. (#29, © 1996-7 by Peter Anspach)

Now, if you’re a Montgomery Burns in the making, I suggest you try a hostile takeover of Future Feed Forward. FFF’s patented Temporal Networking technology allows its employees to travel into the future to do research and to invest your money for you. Its employees pay to work there, because all the money they “loan” to the company will accrue tremendous interest in the future. For the evil corporate CEO on the rise, all that ready cash is too good to pass up.

Of course, no villain’s education would be complete without studying the masters. I recommend reading the great Saruman’s diary, available at Flying Moose of Nargothrond. Don’t let the site’s address fool you. The Web master is not a flying moose; he’s a brave man fighting for the rights of evildoers everywhere. Finally, we can hear the story from the Enemy’s point of view. This site, by the way, includes much more in the way of Tolkien humor, but as a villain-in-training, you’re probably much too busy to read any of it.

Speaking of being busy, I must get going. I’m planning to start my own evildoer’s website and wanted to call it “Take Over the World.com” but Microsoft beat me to it. Curses! (And happy surfing!)

(To see the 2011 update to this column on my blog, go to So You Want to be Evil.)

Copyright (c) 2012 by M.A. Chiappetta. All rights reserved.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.