Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Ripped from Today's Headlines

In today’s topical blog entry, I’ve pulled current headlines from various news websites and commented on them. I’ll do this from time to time for fun…but also to make the point that a lot of these headlines are badly written, and that the articles they introduce often aren’t even really news. They’re entertainment or polemics, but news? I don’t think so. Enjoy!

“Researchers pack pee, not pests to Antarctic” (MSN)
Do I need to say why this headline caught my attention? TMI, if you ask me. It’s an article about “environmental awareness” (read polemics, not news), and it’s about practical efforts being made to keep the Antarctic pristine. That means if you’re going to tour the Antarctic (and I know you are), check your luggage for spiders and other bugs before you go to the airport, and plan to cart your pee home. Fun for you.

“Kissing in 16th Century Naples: Punishable by Death” (MSN)
Yes, of course I clicked on this headline! Dirt on the relationships of medieval Italians? What’s not to love? Unfortunately, this so-called article is just a slide show of kisses from various Hollywood movies, coupled with factoids on kissing. Entertainment at best, though really, if I want entertainment, I’d rather play Pac-man on my iPhone. But to each his own.

What the Duggars Are Doing Wrong?” (MSN)
You mean besides raising 19 kids? Actually, yes. Their 19th babe was premature. The article’s author also had a premature baby and is upset that the Duggars are spending more time marketing the baby to the media than taking care of the baby. She also mentions that 19 kids is way too many. I agree. Media-hungry Christians. Ick. But the author raises a legitimate question—is it moral to letthese people be on the air? And is this family situation healthy for these kids? I can call that news.

You Filed, So Where’s the $$$ Going? (Foxnews)
The author says, and I quote: “Taxpayers have a nasty surprise coming. More and more future tax dollars will go to pay off old bills and old promises the federal government made, but couldn’t pay.” Just like that shady cousin of yours that you’re sure is going to end up on The People’s Court one day and embarrass the entire family. I hate to say it, but this is not news. We all knew it already, didn’t we?

Missing Florida May Have Been Found Alive (Foxnews)
My problem here is the bad writing. What are we saying here? That the girl may have been found, but we’re not sure? Or that she may be alive, but it’s hard to tell? I tend to think that if you find someone, you know it, and if the person is alive, you know that too. But the article actually says this girl “may have been found.” I’m still unclear as to how the state of Florida can’t know this for sure. Perhaps someone was smoking a little something before they wrote this article.

Rufus: 50 Cent Is Gay (Foxnews)
Articles like this make me wonder why Christians are so obsessed with Fox News. Sure, Fox is fair and unbiased at times. But they’re also bottom-feeders who make the National Enquirer look respectable. In this article, the gay singer Rufus (I’ve never heard of him) explains why he thinks rapper 50 Cent (I have heard of him but thought his career was long over, so who cares) is gay. I’m overly tired of hearing who’s gay by now. Wasn’t Meredith Baxter Birney enough? For me, this isn’t news or entertainment. It’s more like pushing toothpicks through my eyelids. Torture!

Hefner on Kate Gosselin: No Chance (CNN)
I’ll admit it. My first thought was, “Wow, if even Hef is turning Kate down, she must really be a b—tch!” Hugh is not exactly renowned for saying no to women, is he? But of course, this article is actually a reassurance to the world that none of us will need to see Kate naked in Playboy. This is news...very good news, in fact! I say, thank God!

Jim Carrey: Tiger’s Wife Had to Know (CNN)
Self-explanatory. We are finally getting the scoop on Tiger’s infidelity from the one person we’ve all been dying to hear from…actor/comedian Jim Carrey. I mean, haven’t you just been begging Jim to come forward on this one? I know I have. He’s following in the tradition of other Hollywood stars giving their opinions to me even though I don’t care to hear them. But at least it’s not Sean Penn talking to me about Iraq or Iran, so I’ll take it.

Trisha Yearwood’s Monkey Bread Muffins (ABC)
Is it just me, or does this sound completely disgusting for reasons that can’t be put into words? Oh, sigh of relief. I guess monkey bread is just a term for a sweet treat you bake in a tube pan and then serve by letting the kids pull a chunk off at a time. Like the little monkeys they are. I feel better now. Trisha uses canned biscuits for the recipe, but includes a recipe to make hot maple syrup from scratch. Huh? Oh well. I don't bake country.

Copyright © 2010 by Michele Chiappetta. All rights reserved.

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