Tuesday, April 20, 2010

What Kind of Relationship Are You In? (Facebook Style)

Recently, an acquaintance of mine got married, and as a result, I was considering how we depict our relationships through Facebook. It was just one of those moments where my wicked sense of humor and lightning-fast thinking gave me the perfect topic for a blog entry.

How familiar are you with the current relationship status options on Facebook? If you can’t recite them from memory (and shame on you if you can’t!), let me refresh you. On Facebook, you can be (1) single, (2) in a relationship (3) engaged, (4) married, (5) it’s complicated, (6) in an open relationship, and (7) widowed. I’m not going to touch widowed, because that’s fine. But the others? Sorry. We need more options than that. So here are my suggestions for an expanded, more reality-based set of choices for Facebook to consider adopting.

Single and Loving It
Single and Depressed About It
Single and My Biological Clock is Ticking Like a Time Bomb, So Watch Out
Single Because I Haven’t Met the Right Person Yet
Single Because I’m a Jerk and Nobody Can Put Up with Me
In a Relationship of Some Kind, but I’m Not Telling You What Kind
In a Relationship to Get My Parents Off My Back About Being Single
In a Relationship, but Looking to Dump It
In a Rebound Relationship That’ll Be Over Any Day Now
In a Serious Relationship With a Person I Hope to Marry
Engaged Just Today and Rubbing Everyone’s Nose in It
Engaged to Get My Girlfriend Off My Back About Why We’re Not Engaged
Engaged Without a Date Set Because We’re Not Getting Married for a Long, Long Time
Engaged and Planning the Wedding Right Now
Engaged Until a Nasty Breakup Happens
Engaged Until I Leave Him/Her at the Altar Because I Have Cold Feet
Engaged Because We Truly Love Each Other and Are Great Together
Married Just Today and Posting About It Right After Being Pronounced Husband and Wife
Married for So Long That I’ve Lost Count of the Years
Married for the Money
Married for Love
Married and Content
Married but Looking to Get Out
Married for the Kid’s Sake
It’s Complicated Because I’m a Mess
It’s Complicated Because He/She Is a Mess
It’s Complicated Because I’m Not Man/Woman Enough to Break It Off
It’s Complicated Because I’m in the Closet and I’m Not Coming Out
It’s Complicated Because I Have a Strange Sex Life/Fetish/Other Weird Thing Going On
In an Open Relationship Because I Can’t Commit
In an Open Relationship Because I Have a Strange Sex Life/Fetish/Other Weird Thing Going On
In an Open Relationship Because I’m a Stalker and the Other Person Doesn’t Know It Yet
In an Open Relationship Because I Prefer to Say This Rather Than Admit I’m Single
Widowed

I think these options are much more specific and helpful. How about you? If there’s anything I missed, let me know. I’ll be glad to update the list and send it to the guys who own Facebook. (I’m kidding, I’m kidding. They change Facebook too much as it is. I won’t encourage them to do it again!)

Copyright © 2010 by Michele Chiappetta. All rights reserved.


1 comment:

  1. That's hilarious. Thanks for the laugh today...I love it. But do you know when you check the "widowed" box and you go to save it puts it right back to "single." :-) Great article though.

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