Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Shoot Me Now

Today's Thought:
Obama wants to start a fund for the BP oil spill. Shoot me now.

The ChipperMuse Extra:
I heard this one on the news this morning. I don't know what the fund is supposed to do. I really don't care. I can't motivate myself to find out. I don't want to know.

I prefer to think that Obama wants to raise the tarballs with all the entitlements they deserve and then send them to an Ivy League college where they can study ways to prevent tarballs in the future. That's the only way I can keep myself from allowing this story to make me drive needles through my eyeballs.

Another fund? Really? In this day and age, that means only one thing. A thing I can't stand to even think about. Another $&#% telethon.

Look, here's the deal. I don't mind that we did a telethon for September 11, 2001. That made sense. We all needed to grieve together as a nation, find ways to help, and feel we had some control over our future. I'm down with that.

The fundraiser after Hurricane Katrina felt a little copycat-ish, but okay. I could live with that. Then there was the Haiti earthquake telethon. Now I fear that Obama's desire to start this BP oil spill fund is going to motivate Sean Penn, Kristin Stewart (the Twilight actress), Lindsay Lohan, and Charlie Sheen to decide they have a right to interrupt my regularly scheduled programming.

And if I'm being honest, then I have to admit: I'd still rather some husband-wife act sing out of tune and juggle on America's Got Talent than watch Bruce Springsteen whine out Give Peace a Chance any day of the week.

I mean, don't get me wrong, but...another telethon? What did people do about disasters before the age of television and telephones? Did they--God forbid--actually go out and volunteer? Did they donate money in person? How barbaric!

Thank God for the Internet, which allows me to self-righteously throw a few dollars in the general direction of someone who might give that money to someone who might eventually manage to use that money to help some general stranger overseas during some crisis. Unless the money is stolen or misspent or whatever. I'm so glad we live in a more civilized era.

All I can say is: If this BP oil spill fund leads to a spill of Hollywood hubris all over my reruns of NCIS: Los Angeles, please just do me a favor. Do it because you love me.

Shoot me.

Thanks.

Copyright (c) 2010 by Michele Chiappetta. All rights reserved.

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