Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Top 10 Oil Spill Solutions from James Cameron

Today's Thought:
How is James Cameron, Hollywood director, truly qualified to help fix the BP oil spill? I don't care if the guy invented cool underwater filming vehicles for his movies. The Feds have no reason to ask him for his help.

The ChipperMuse Extra:
In response to my scathing suspicion of his inabilities, James Cameron sent me his list of top 10 ideas to fix the oil spill. I present them here in a totally unbiased way. (Sure, I do.)

1. Don't worry about the BP storyline. Just film the spill in 3D. At least it will look visually impressive.

2. Throw Leo DiCaprio into the spill and let him overact in it until the oil goes into hiding.

3. Wait until the spill reforms into the Terminator-1000, and then destroy it in a vat of molten steel.

4. Hire ILM (Industrial Light & Magic) to create an alien aquatic species that survives on oil. Consider it a plus if you can get Ed Harris and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio to help out with this project.

5. Send in Arnold Schwarzeggar to make funny quips in an Austrian accent as he beats the oil spill into submission with his massive arms.

6. Arrange for a death match between the oil spill and the creature from Aliens.

7. Film a documentary attempting to prove that the tomb of Jesus is located inside the spill.

8. In a great ironical move, use nuclear weapons to bomb the spill. Then film antiwar movies forever after.

9. Ask Skynet to devise a solution, then panic when machines take over the world as a result.

10. Divorce fifth wife to marry the oil spill. Then move the spill to Hollywood so it can become a regular on a daytime soap opera.

Copyright (c) 2010 by Michele Chiappetta. All rights reserved.

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