Wednesday, March 23, 2011

You're a Sucker (Punch), All Right...

I like a good science fiction/fantasy film as much as the next geeky girl. But I’ve seen the ads for Sucker Punch over and over now, and I have to say, I'd rather watch Gigli.

It’s not just that Sucker Punch is the movie equivalent of at least a dozen games I could play on a PS3 for free instead of watching someone else play it for a fee of $10. It’s not just that the plot seems looser than a Dungeons and Dragons or Super Mario Brothers flick. It’s not even that that the “eye candy” is a bunch of barely legal girls in leather bikinis, without any hot, sweaty men to give me something to look at, too.

It’s the truly crappy writing that really offends me. Look, I’m a writer. I need one of two things from my movies… Either I want intelligent, crisp writing that challenges and delights my brain and ears. Or, I want innocuous, normal writing that sounds real and therefore isn’t irritating as heck.

But bad lines—really bad lines—are INEXCUSABLE! Allow me to make my case with these series of winners from the actual TV ads:

“Reality is a prison.”
“Create your own paradise.”
“Unlock your mind.”
“Escape reality.”
“Begin your journey, and it will set you free.”
“The way out is within your mind.”
“Your fight for survival starts right now.”
“I need to escape from here.”

I need to escape from here, all right. The way out is through the theaters emergency exit. That’s only if you foolishly end up in the theater to begin with. The best way out is to do something else. Anything else. I’m begging you. Don’t give Hollywood any money for this piece of garbage. Vote with your dollars for something you can’t get on your Playstation or Nintendo, for the love of God!

You may think that your dollars don’t matter, but they will if we all join together and resist the “lack of entertainment machine.” Let’s begin our journey toward better filmmaking now, and it will set us free. With popcorn included.

Copyright © 2011 by Michele Chiappetta. All rights reserved.

2 comments:

  1. There is a part of me that agrees with what you have to say here but I am at least gonna give this movie a single viewing at a matinee this Friday with some friends. To me (and please forgive the term used) this film looks like some frustrated anime fan's wet dream. A plot thinly strung together to allow images and scenes to excite it's target audience, geeks.

    I don't know yet how I feel, but in less then 24 hours I will. And we will be talking about it on my podcast Twisted Geeks. And I am doing my best to get a female friend to join us because I am sure a woman would take this movie differently then a guy.

    Either way, it will be an interesting ride!

    ~Chris Martens
    Twisted Geeks
    The Jesus Geeks

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  2. Hi, Chris. As you can see, I'm notoriously late responding to comments right now. (Due to Internet situation at home.) I intend to rectify that in the next few months when I can get online more regularly off hours. But thanks for your comment.

    I do agree that Sucker Punch appeals to anime fans visually. Even I like the visuals in the ads. But I just know it will ultimately be hugely disappointing, especially when there is so much good anime out there. Hollywood just doesn't have the guts to write good stories on a regular basis. It aggravates me.

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