Wednesday, June 8, 2011

I'm Yours for the Adopting

Adopt me. Please.

No, no, I'm serious. It doesn't matter that I'm 42. In fact, that's to my advantage according to the Today show/MSNBC online article, "Picking your parents: Adult adoption on the rise" by Bill Briggs. See

I have two parents who are great, but let's face it: If I have the opportunity to secure my financial future by kissing up to some old people who want to give their money to me, why would I say no? I mean, come on, I'm great. Now, gimme some money.

(Side note: Remember the song "Gimme Some Money?" That's an early hit by Spinal Tap. Just thought I'd bring that up. Now back to the real story here.)

Adult adoptions truly are on the rise in the United States. I'm not sure why this is, since there are literally countless kids without homes just beyond our borders in Central America. And Central Americans don't generally adopt children (it's looked down upon in their culture), so any U.S. folks who want to bring these kids home will have an open door.

But no, we want to stay here and adopt people who can stand on their own two feet. Makes sense to me.

Now, to be fair, many of these adult adoptions are a result of long-term foster care relationships that are formalized into adoption after the child reaches majority. I'm sure that happens for legal reasons, in cases where the biological parent retains just enough rights to come back for the minor child. So the relationship with the foster care family can't be legalized through adoption until the child is old enough to make that decision on their own, at age 18.

But there is a growing number of adult adoptions among older couples who take a younger person under their wing. I don't have anything against mentoring. But adoption? Really? Like I said, what about adopting a poor kid in Central America with no future unless you help them? You can remain friends with that younger adult you're mentoring too. Right?

And let's be honest: It's creepy enough to have 49- and 46-year-old people adopting a 29-year-old woman. (If they were her biological parents, there would have be a little underage sex going on, and maybe some statutory rape.) But what's worse is that the "mother" is acting like the 29-year-old is a baby. I mean, she gave her an engraved baby cup. She is cooing over her "daughter's" baby pictures and saying things like, "I can't believe she's mine." Um. Some psychological counseling might be in order. Just a thought.

Anyway, the real point is that I haven't been adopted yet, but I'm available. I will elect the adoptive parents who make me the best offer. Please email me as soon as you possibly can and put a bid in. I like travel, visits to upscale shopping malls and fine dining establishments, and I love huge nest eggs. So, let me know what you'll do for me, and if you make the cut, you can coo over my baby pictures all you want. Bids are due by the end of this month. Thanks!

Copyright (c) 2011 by Michele Chiappetta. All rights reserved.


  1. Even though I'm your mother, if you do get adopted by some rich folks, don't forget about me. We can always say we're sisters.

  2. LOL. Okay, I want to be adopted too. I come with bonus grandkids. :D

  3. You know what, ladies? I'm going to start an adult adoption service. You can be my first customers!


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