Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Dating Disasters: How Not to Win Me Over

There's plenty of advice about dating on the Internet. And seeing how I'm single, you probably shouldn't be listening to me. But you're here now, so stick around! I'm better than eHarmony, because my advice is free.

Seriously, if you know me at all, you know dating isn't my normal blog focus. I'm much more likely to write about how Cheeze-Its are out to get me (they are) and how the world of men is getting feminine. (Just the other day, I saw either an aging cross-dresser buying pantyhose or a manly man who doesn't know about mantyhose. Hard to tell the difference, frankly.)

But I couldn't resist stretching beyond the norm after I read Don't Take A Woman Here!, which is indeed about where not to take a lady on a date. A few doozies are mentioned, like a sports bar (this screams friends with beer, not dating) and paintball (this screams that you might like inflicting pain). But I have a few other things to add to the list. And I swear, these are all true-life experiences for me or for friends of mine.

#1: Going to church is not a date. Usually, this happens in the context of "hanging out" at a church outing or a church singles group. And I'm all for a casual time for a first date. But if it's a religious event, it's not date-worthy. Why not? Because I'm already going to church. And if I'm not, it's because I don't want to go to the picnic or attend the singles hike. So don't ask me to go to church with you. It's too easy for you. It shows no effort. So it doesn't count.

A depressing movie is a depressing date. The article that sparked this blog entry mentions gross-out movies as a big mistake. I have to add depressing movies to the list. They are a downer. And they make me wonder if you really thought out the date before you asked me. I had a guy (nice guy, though not my type) take me to Million Dollar Baby. If you haven't seen it, let me assure you, this is not a date movie. It was so depressing, I ended up angry that my date took me to see it. You want to avoid this kind of situation at all costs. Read reviews and make sure you know what the movie is about before you go.

Nowhere. Because you stood her up. So, the night before, you said something really callous about your father, whom you are angry at because he divorced your mother, and you never got over it, even though it's been 15 years. Yet you're living with him because you have no job, even though you're an adult and should be taking care of yourself. And you're completely ungrateful for the roof over your head. So, I called you on your bad behavior. Your nose got out of joint. I get it. But that's no justification for standing a girl up the next day. Just cancel the date, and show a little class.

Don't call a mutual friend to brag that I said yes to a date while I'm in the car with you, at the start of said date. Yes, you're stoked to be with me, because let's face it, I'm awesome. But my awesomeness runs straight downhill and into a ditch when you turn away from me and call a mutual friend. Especially when she was my friend first, long before she met you. And especially when I'm sitting right there to overhear it. It's like I'm a shirt you just bought, instead of a person with feelings and an ego. Not cool.

If the date isn't a date, but instead an interview, no thanks. This happens in Christian circles, but maybe it happens elsewhere too. It boils down to this: The guy in question is looking for a wife. For some reason, he thinks it's totally appropriate to get out his "My Future Wife" checklist and start reading from it to see the girl's reaction. ("Hmm, her nose wrinkled when I mentioned wanting a lot of kids. Problem? TBD.") The girl probably wants to get married, just like you do, or she wouldn't be on a date to begin with. But she doesn't want the third degree when she just met you. Save it for the third or fourth date, maybe, and give the illusion that you have a little self-control.

So, there you have it, my advice for what not to do when dating a girl. But before I sign off completely, I want to play fair. So in defense of the guys, here is a link to a counter-article on men: 5 dates no guy wants to go on. I've read it myself. Duly noted. I won't ask you to go hiking ever again.

(Have a bad date to add to the list? Tips for guys and girls? Share 'em with me!)

Copyright (c) 2011 by Michele Chiappetta. All rights reserved.


  1. Man oh man... I chuckled... Now I will admit, I am guilty of #1 but only well attending a Bible School....

    I think the key to a good date is fun and being relaxed, I also do what I call STAGE Dating (Patent Pending). Start with just dinner or coffee and IF THAT goes well - go to another location for dessert or an activity. Example: MEET at Cheddars (worst place in Tulsa for a first date) and if dinner goes well, jump in my car and drive across town for a sweet treat... IF it doesn't go well ABORT... and be gracious but make it clear its over.

    Random Notes:

    Movies are the worst first date. I suggest mini golf...

    As in anything conversation and confidence is key. If it feels like pulling teeth to get you ladies to talk or you just never relax... well then I'm probably not gonna ask you out again. I get it - your nervous... well so are we... but we "MAN UP" and do our part... you should have to as well.

    ALSO dont make me meet your parents... I dont care if you live with them or if they would really like me... or if your DAD always checks out guys you go on dates with.... It is akward and weird... I shouldn't meet them until we are an official item...

    Lastly: EAT SOMETHING - trust me on this we are more impressed if you eat the food then if your don't

  2. Agreed with the STAGE Dating philosophy. Mini golf is a good idea as long as neither person on the date is super competitive. And I've heard that about the eating something. I think that goes along with relaxing. If you're nervous, it's hard to eat. But I have a friend who gets complimented by guys all the time because she isn't afraid to eat a meal in front of them!


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