Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Fun With Headlines Again

So, it's National Novel Writing Month, and I'm participating by writing to get 50,000 words done on my novel in the next 30 days. Needless to say, I don't plan on writing any deeply philosophical Wednesday blog posts until at least December. But I don't want to disappoint you, my loyal readers. So I'm back to a little "fun with headlines."

Set Your Inner Nerd Free in the Kitchen
As soon as I saw this headline, I thought, "We nerds do this already. All the time. Haven't you ever seen recipes for Klingon Gagh? (Also known as live serpent worms. Yum.) But seriously, at least this article got it right. You had me at the Millennium Falcon pancakes.

Even Light Drinking Ups Breast Cancer
This new study obviously contradicts the study that says drinking a moderate amount of wine is good for a woman's heart. I foresee a new study in which it is discovered that no matter what you do, one day you're going to die. Morbid, yes. But it's good science.

Bloomin' Bounty! Queen Victoria's Underwear Sold
The big story behind this headline is not that Queen Victoria's underwear sold for approximately $14,000 U.S. in auction recently, but rather that someone kept her underwear for over a hundred years. And you people call us nerds weird. Making Millennium Falcon pancakes weird? No. No. No. Keeping underwear for a hundred years? Now, that's weird.

Any story online about Cain
This isn't about the headline itself, but about me. Because every time I read a headline that says Cain, I think, McCain's running again? And then I realize that, yet again, I read the name wrong. And it's just Cain. I hope that doesn't affect him at the voting booth.

No, crackheads aren't coming to get you
I love this headline. It's about drug criminals being released from prison. But really, why would I worry about crackheads anyway? No one does crack anymore. They do meth. I'm worried that the methheads are coming to get me. Get on the 2011 bandwagon, MSNBC.

Did Kim kill the Kardashian brand with divorce?
I would have thought the Kardashian's reality show had already killed their brand. Have you ever seen the show? It's smuttier than the Playboy channel. I can't even repeat what they say to each other here, because this is a PG-13 blog. If you want to know what I mean, go on YouTube. I'm sure there are some clips there that will make you regret you have eyeballs after you've watched them.

And finally, today's hottest headline...

Bieber slams claim he fathered woman's baby
Ugh. Ugh, ugh, ugh. Now that's an image none of us need in our heads. Besides, isn't he like 12 years old? What's that? He's 17? Really? Because he looks like he's still 12. Oh, well. Maybe he did father the baby then. Or maybe he'll just cover Billie Jean. ("Billie Jean is not my lover, she's just a girl who says that I am the one, but the kid is not my son.")

That's all for today's mischief. Do you ever read headlines and laugh at them, like I do? Or is it just me?

Copyright (c) 2011 by Michele Chiappetta. All rights reserved.


  1. Loved these headlines, especially the one about the queen's underwear. Is nothing sacred in the press these days? However, that's a whopping sum, isn't it?

  2. Bieber, again?! I think people are getting tired of the publicity he continues to get.

    Good luck with NaNoWriMo. You're gonna' be a busy gal. :)

  3. Thanks, everyone! I could not believe how much people are willing to spend on someone else's sweaty clothing, no matter who it belongs to. Agree with you about Bieber. And thanks for the well wishes, M.E. I appreciate your support! :D


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