Friday, May 18, 2012

Back with a Classic: Fun with Headlines

As you may know if you have read this blog for a while, I occasionally do a Fun with Headlines post. I look at the latest news stories online and see what makes me laugh. Then I share why it makes me laugh. I haven't done this in what seems like ages, and it's been a busy week that hasn't allowed me to start a new blog series in earnest yet, so I'm offering you a little Friday humor instead, along with wishes for a good weekend!

First, there's the CNN headline: "93-year-old rocks the downward dog." What's funny about this is not the writing, but the fact that I, much younger, can't do a downward dog worth calling a downward dog. I can stick my butt in the air just fine, but that's not yoga. Somewhere, an old lady is kicking my ass in flexibility. This is so not fair.

Then there's the more financially mature headline: "Facebook IPO: Internet glee, skepticism." If only they hadn't used the word glee. All I can think of is the Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons intoning his skeptical doubts: "As everybody knows, Facebook will never make any money, because Mark Zuckerberg is going to be arrested in Indonesia someday with an underage prostitute." And in the background, J.C. Hutchins' crazy computer geek, Kilroy 2.0, is cackling maniacally. Yeah, and I haven't even had a full cup of coffee as I type all this. I need therapy.

What about the disturbing "49 headless bodies normal in Mexico?" (titled elsewhere as "49 decapitations: business as usual?") Um. Cancel my Club Med reservation. Thanks.

Of course, it's not all about headlines. Sometimes it's the pictures that are egregious. Like the shirtless Bieber photo in MSNBC's celebrity tattoo slideshow. Not sure what's worse about this picture: the pale vampire skin he sports, the fact that he's shirtless (shudder), or the ridiculous white sunglasses he's sporting.

MSNBC has gotten better with their headlines after my periodic fun-poking. Perhaps they read my blog. But they did give me a great one this morning: "For guys, meat is macho, veggies wimpy." First of all... Duh. Duh duh duh duh duh. No kidding. Second of all, at least Tim Allen has a potential new gig: the meat movie, starring a grunting neanderthal who moves to LA and is forced to live off alfalfa. And finally, it's probably not good to read a headline like this after you recently bought the original Karate Kid and revisited Johnny's evil determination to be macho all over Daniel's anorexic pasty white guido. That movie is the original Diary of a Wimpy Kid, isn't it?

Okay, that's enough blather. Hope I gave you a laugh. And if you come across any funny headlines, share them with me. I love them. And come back next week, when I should be starting a blog series on point of view in writing.

Copyright (c) 2012 by M.A. Chiappetta. All rights reserved.

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