Friday, April 26, 2013

A Return to Fun with Headlines

It's been a busy week, and I am again behind with the blog. But luckily, the Interweb has saved me from figuring out a topic. There are some great news stories to make fun of today... So in a little Friday humor before I get back to talking about writing next week, here is more fun with headlines.

As usual, (formerly MSNBC) has some unintentionally funny headlines today. Here are my favorites:

Boston suspect's new home has motley cast of alums
Yes, you are reading this correctly. It's about moving the bombing suspect to prison, which I guess you could call home. But not really. And describing the other prisoners as a motley cast of alums makes it sound like the pitch for a new TV comedy starring Amy Poehler, Tom Green, and Margaret Cho, for god's sake.

Moldy marijuana: Who will make sure newly legal pot is safe?
You mean safer than it usually is to take mind-altering drugs? To be fair, if you're high on pot, I suppose you don't notice if the new batch is moldy. So I guess we should start selling it at Whole Foods, where organic-loving stocking clerks can make sure the marijuana crop doesn't look old. Or have deadly spiders in it. (Look that story up if you need to.)

Martha Stewart: "I nearly signed up for"
Don't worry. She said nearly. If you're on, you're still safe. Kind of.

Wallet returned in perfect condition 23 years after it was stolen
This is actually a great story. Someone stole the money and put the wallet in the ceiling of a bathroom, because apparently it's just easier to hide wallets in ceilings than to go outside and toss them into dumpsters. I don't know about you, but I think if you're willing to put the work into hiding a wallet in a ceiling, you have what it takes to go out and earn the money you need honestly. But that's just me.

McDonald's all-day breakfast could happen
Because, as you know, crappy pancakes should be available all day long. And so should fake eggs.

Contaminated cucumbers sicken 73
There is just no way to talk about this story without making it sound dirty. Which is why I'm pretty sure E.L. James is doing a sequel to Fifty Shades that includes vegetables.

And on that note...yes, the dirty veggies note... I'm ending this post. If you come across any funny headlines or other examples of writing that may not have been thought out too clearly, share it here. I always enjoy a good laugh.

Otherwise, happy writing, and I'll see you next week!

Copyright (c) 2013 by M.A. Chiappetta. All rights reserved.


  1. If there was a Like button, I would have clicked it. :)

    I used to write a news commentary similar to this. Thanks for the reminder and the laughs! I just recalled one news item that was so unbelievably stupid I had to write a full article about it, called N-Word, Puh-leeze!

    I still the like the title. :)

    Anyway, I like your blog, and and I'll be back to see what you say about writing.

    Nice writing, Michele!

    1. A like button. I have to add one of those, don't I? Hahaha! I love it. I'm going to check that link you gave me too. Sounds like a fun read.


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